nothing to laugh at

Sunday, February 26, 2006

No Sex since 1955


A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event, hosted by a Local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, Idealistic ladies in attendance, one of who approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very Serious Man. is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am," the Sergeant Major ! said, "Just serious by nature."

"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little. relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955."

She said, "Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.

Afterwards, and panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

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Saturday, February 25, 2006

Medical Breakthrough

For the first time in history they were able to make a scan of the male brain.

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Friday, February 24, 2006

brokeback mountain

A rugged cowboy from Brokeback Mountain, Wyoming, goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says, "I am not going to beat around the bush, You have AIDS."

The cowboy tugs at his Stetson and sets his jaw and says, "Doc, what can I do?"

The doctor says, "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of Grape nuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."

The cowboy squares his rugged shoulders and asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"

"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ass is for."

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Monday, February 13, 2006

Three Doctors were talking one day....

Three doctors were discussing the operation of siamese twins joined at the head and were trying to impress each other:

One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in New York. In my favorite case, a concert pianist lost seven fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England.

The second surgeon said. "Well, I'm the best surgeon in California and that's nothing. A young man lost an arm and both legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in track and field events in the Olympics.

"The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. "I'm the best surgeon in Arkansas and several years ago a woman was high on cocaine and marijuana and she rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was this woman's blonde hair and the horse's ass. I was able to put them together and now she's a senator from New York.

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