old woman - young woman

Married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed, and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year old blonde.


"Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed, and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."


My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed.

a quarter a shot

As a painless way to save money, a young couple agreed that every time they made love the husband would put his pocket change into a piggy bank.


One night, during a particularly athletic session of love-making, he knocked the bank off the table.


It hit the floor and shattered. To his surprise, among the coins was a handful of bills.


"What's with the paper money?" he asked his wife.


"Well," she replied, "not everyone's as cheap as you!"

Lena is pregnant with Ole's child

Lena is pregnant with Ole's child.

Late one night, Lena vakes Ole and says, "I tink its time!"
So Ole fired up the Yohn Deere tractor and took her to the hospital to have their first baby.

She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Ole and said, "A son!
Ain't dat great!"

Vell, Ole got excited by dis, but yust den the doctor spoke up and
said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!"

The doctor den held up a little girl.
He said, "Hey, Ole! You got you a daughter!"
She's a pretty little ting, too.

Ole got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor said, "Holey Moley Ole, we still ain't done yet!"
The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Ole, you yust had yourself another boy!"

Ole was flabbergasted by this news! A couple days later, Ole brought Lena and their three children home in the self-propelled combine. He was real serious and he asked Lena, "How come we got tree on the first try?"

Lena said, "You remember dat night we ran out of Vaseline and you vent out in the garage and got dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?"

Ole said, "Yeah, I do. Uffda! It's a damn good ting I didn't get the
WD-40!"